mediation3No one marries with the expectation that one-day they will divorce. When the couple decided to marry they were confidant that their marriage would last forever and that whatever problem they encounter they would be able to work out between the two of them.

One of the partners does not wake up one day and decide that he or she wants a divorce.

This is a slow nagging occurrence on the part of the partner who wants out of the marriage. There have been many hints throughout the marriage that things were not going well and every one around them usually is aware of the problem except the individual who finally gets the ultimatum.

I want a Divorce. Now that one of the partners wants out of the marriage the other partner wants to do all that is possible to save it. At this point the attempt is usually to late. The love between the two of them has dwindled over the years and there is nothing left to save.

What happens when couples, who are having difficulty, decide that they need time apart and separate. Or the partner, who wants out, leaves the marital residence. The chances of these couples getting back together are very slim.  Is it ever a successful reunion? More often than not it doesn’t work out.  The partner who left comes back with reservations, because they have for many years tried to hold things together and were unsuccessful.  Meanwhile the other partner usually works very hard to make this second attempt at the marriage a successful one.  This usually lasts for a while and as the couples get comfortable in their new situation they go back to the same routines that caused the split in the first place.  This time the separation is permanent and both are disappointed and upset that they could not get the marriage to work.

What happens now? Normally one or both parties start to interview or retain a lawyer, and this starts the process that will eventually result in the  dissolution of the marriage. This process can drive the couple further apart if one or the other becomes entrenched in what they are willing to share of the marital assets.

There is a better way to end the marriage. The traditional adversarial way is a win-lose situation. Why not try a win-win situation where both parties get what they want from the marital assets and if there are children, work out a successful parenting arrangement.

Throughout the years the couple dealt with important decisions about religious ceremonies, births, birthday parties, weddings, new cars, new houses and so on. These are all major issues that they seemed to have no trouble solving.  Now that they are separated why can’t they continue to make the decisions about their future life apart? This is called Divorce Mediation.

Divorce Mediation is a non-adversarial procedure that helps the couple to dissolve their marriage once they have made a decision to divorce. It is not a substitute for the services of an attorney. However, it does allow the couple to remain in control of the negotiating process and to make their own decisions about their future after the divorce.

Mediation eliminates the aggressive bargaining and legal games played in an adversarial divorce. The end result is a divorce that supports the development of mature problem solving skills.

Divorce mediation is a pro-family approach to dissolving the marriage: it balances the power struggles; it gives the couple final say in their own affairs; it provides for informed choices; their assets are distributed equitably; the trauma which is involved with the adversarial process is reduced; the children are spared from parental haggling. The mediation process supports shared parenting; it saves time and money; the assets are preserved for the divorcing couple and not their lawyer. Finally, it creates lasting agreements.